Plan vs. reality: To stay at home or stay employed

I read the Juggle article from last week about whether your spouse wants you to stay home, along with the pages of comments that followed. Many posts dealt with how either spouse changed their mind about what they felt was best for the family.

I am sure my husband and I discussed this when we married, but I don't remember the exact conversation. I always knew I would make my kids a priority once I had them, and realized that my work goals would be affected. While they were little, the days were chaotic and overwhelming, but always fulfilling. Once they were all in school, I never realized how big the hole would be. I still got to see the kids enough - the hole didn't come from that. (I enjoyed the break from juggling every hour of the day.) The hole was no longer having a career identity.

I tried to maintain my skills while I was out of the workforce in case I wanted back in. But I don't think I ever realized how much I would want back in. Now that my husband and kids are used to having someone make everything run smoothly for them and coordinate everyone's schedules and obligations, they are having to change their expectations too.

Maybe being a family just means accepting that everyone will change over time and that we need to adapt together. Certainly the kids are changing and I adapt. My husband's career changes (even countries) and we adapt. Isn't it their turn?

What has your experience been?