What Do You Do That Stifles Your Own Career Progress?

Periodically, the Intuit Women's Network hosts events.  Today, Nora Denzel, the SVP of our Payroll Services Division spoke on the topic of The Top Ten Ways Women Shoot Themselves in the Foot in the Workplace.

I think her advice is good for women and men alike, and offers insights I wish someone had shared with me when I was starting out in my career.  Nora conveyed her advice with great humor, which made the truth she told about the mistakes women tend to make easier to hear and accept.  My notes on her points are in bold and italics; the plain font is my commentary. 

1.  We don't control our own PR.  Remember that every interaction with an exec at your company IS judged.  Hallway conversations as well as prepared presentations.  Women seem to have a genetic tic that makes them tell the whole truth, whereas men are comfortable with allowing others to draw the wrong conclusion and not correcting it if it is to their benefit.  She suggested that women learn to accept a compliment (even if falsely deserved) with "Thank you," and then stop.    
Lately, I've read and heard lots of discussion about the importance of managing one's "personal brand" and Nora's message backed this up.  My take is that this is more important than even in the age of the social web where smart recruiters first move is to Google prospective hires.  Just like we all know we should perform annual credit checks, we now need to perform annual brand checks.  Search for yourself.  I just did and need to update a web site my husband created for me a few years back.  Eeks!  Plus, Spoke, a site with which I am not familiar has a nice way of forcing folks to join their network - they somehow have very old information about where I am employed.

2.  We don't aim high; have a goal. Don't make the mistake of thinking that you need to have a plan to get there before you declare your goal.  When you tell people your goal they will help you build your plan.  By telling others what your end career goal is, not just your next step, it will help others know how to help you.  Stating your goal can get you on the short list - if it is not the right time or the right role you can say "no", but if you're not on the list you don't get to decide anything.  Oh, I really heard this one.  I do want to head a marketing department at a major company - VP, SVP, whatever that title may be at that company.  I have known this since grad school.  This is the first time I have said (written) that out loud.  I have told employers what I want next, but never several steps out.  And, once I had my first child I was even more cautious about saying what I wanted, for fear that if I asked it might not be something I wanted just at that moment. (I am of the school of thought that you can have it all, just not all at once.) Well, she was right, all that did was take me off the list.

3.  We don't know how to lighten up and separate.  We need to realize that people at work are playing a role, i.e., just because the finance VP is saying no to your proposal doesn't mean they hate you.  Learn not to be so easily offended when someone asks you if you have a sewing kit, or to get some food for everyone - just say no and move on.  When you go home at the end of the day, "separate" from the business decisions that may have occurred.  I remember when I worked at a small start-up, the head of HR told me that she needed me to cover the reception desk during the lunch hour one day a week so our receptionist could have a break.  My first thought, since I liked the receptionist was to feel bad for her, yeah, it would suck to never get to go out with co-workers.  Still, I'm glad I asked who else would be covering for her, and learned that the only two people this (female) HR manager asked were me and another woman working in marketing.  That sealed the deal for me to firmly say no, unless she asked some of the men, either in marketing, sales or engineering who were at my level to help as well.  There are also times to know when to be offended and complain to management and/or HR, as I did when my new manager at a former employer proudly told me and our entire marketing team that she had told a prospective PR agency, "Don't give me an account manager who is just back from maternity leave, or about to go out, because they aren't committed."  The fact that I was 5 weeks pregnant at the time let me know the truth about how this (again female) manager would view the situation.  I informed HR about the situation and how uncomfortable this made me.  (This manager also managed to insult Asians and fat people in meetings I attended, which only added to my discomfort although I was neither.)  That manager got additional diversity training and, upon my request, I got a 12-week severance package, and managed to find a new job while negotiating for it.

4.  We don't ask.  Jobs aren't all posted.  Women tend to assume that there is always a sign-up list somewhere for growth opportunities.  We need to learn to create opportunities.  Early in her career, she asked a VP at her company if she could shadow him for a week.  She said the lessons were invaluable, as her self-selected mentor also made the time to tell her why he was doing things in addition to letting her see what happened first had.  Don't think this isn't fair that there isn't always a sign up list.  Use it to your advantage.  I found this to be true in my Intuit job hunt.  I was done interviewing for the job I now have before the position was even posted.  I had interviewed for two other positions in the same department where I eventually was hired.  And, I had informational interviews with several people in the company who worked in areas that interested me.  In all of those interviews, I described what kind of work I wanted to do and where I believed I could best contribute to Intuit's growth.  By the time they posted the position, I was already top of mind for the hiring manager and everyone else had to be compared against me.  That is a position of strength.  Did I know this would happened?  No.  But, I'll bet you I can make it happen again!

5.  We act like we want to be Miss Congeniality more than Miss America.  We need to keep our focus on achieving our goal rather than being the nicest.  Also, don't be cowed by the aggressiveness of others; men especially will try to use aggression to get their way if you let them.  Don't have guilt in saying no if it won't help you achieve your goal.  It is okay to conform to the norms of your work environment so long as once you are in power you work to change them to what you think is right.  Boy was I scared after my department re-orged and gave me a job I didn't want, but I am so glad I went to my boss and told her it wasn't the right job for me.  But, I'll share the truth:  I don't think most of my former co-workers would describe me as being too nice.  That's not to say that many would describe me as a b**** (I'm sure some of my b-school classmates would!), but I have been known to have a practical, focus-on-the-facts style, which can be perceived harshly.  Over time, I have learned to add some niceties in before launching into the work at hand.

6.  We don't know how to "act as if."  Don't let it show that you feel unqualified or in over your head.  This ties neatly into her point about controlling your own PR - it is another way of saying fake it 'til you make it.  I hate giving presentations in front of a big audience.   I worry about my face turning red, and guess what...that worrying helps make it happen.  At least I have moved to the point of knowing that there is no way around this obstacle.  Like the family in We're Going on a Bear Hunt, I'll have to go through it.  Now, I look for opportunities to present to groups, but I still haven't learned how to "act as if" I love the attention.

7.  We don't feel comfortable being uncomfortable.  We need to accept that learning new stuff hurts a little, just as we get sore muscles when we do a new exercise routine.  Accept that being the dumbest one in the room just means you have the most to learn from others.  If you feel really bad in a new situation, set a timeline for yourself, e.g. 6 months, to endure it and see if it gets better.  If you are too comfortable, take that as a sign it is a time for change.  But also, know your own situation.  If you have others things going on in your personal life that are challenging (good and bad), you may choose not to add more challenge at work.  I think Nora's point about the other aspects of our life is so relevant for mothers, and fathers, who take the lead with childrearing, or in caring for elderly parents.  When I got laid off to part-time when Isabel was 3 months old, and then lost my job altogether 6 months later, I didn't rush to find any job.  I took my time, 10 months to be exact, to find the right work, the right challenge.  That time home with Isabel full-time was a gift that I thoroughly enjoyed.  I also believe it helped make me ready to really engage with my work when I found a job that allowed me to grow and gain new skills.

8.  We don't embrace criticism.  Learn to take feedback, which is criticism by another name, as a gift.  It is like getting answers to the test.  Denying the criticism does not make it untrue.  If it is really wrong criticism, wait 48 hours, then go and state your points and ask for help.  In August, my former boss took the time to prepare a really thorough annual performance review, with detailed examples of what went right and where I needed to improve.  She said I needed to improve my teaching/coaching skills.  This was the only area of her review where she said I was underperforming, and my first reaction (kept silent, thank goodness) was denial.  But, I agree with Nora, she was giving me the answer to the test.  I now know for sure where I have not demonstrated my capability.  By critiquing me she wasn't saying I couldn't teach and coach effectively, just that I hadn't shown her and others that I could.  I plan to change that.  And, I plan to ask for critical feedback more often.

9.  We don't realize that we can make our own rules.  Make sure to pick your fights well when you want to break the rules.  For example, fighting for higher than allotted pay raises for high-performing employees rather than fighting to get a designated parking space.  When I came back from maternity leave after having Henry, I made the rules work for me and Intuit.  Since I had only worked for Intuit for 6-months before Henry was born, I did not qualify for the 12 weeks of unpaid leave guaranteed by the FMLA until I had worked there a full year.  With paid leave and other leave, I had about 3 months home with Henry.  Before I went on leave, I asked my boss if I could come back on a part-time schedule.  I created a proposal of how we could do this and was willing to compromise.  In the end, I came back about two weeks earlier than I wanted, but in exchange, was able to work a 4-day work week for 9 months.  Although Intuit's systems were set up to administer the FMLA as a weekly benefit, she helped smooth the path for manually solving the back-end bureaucracy to take the leave one day at a time.

10.  We often forget that we are judged on results, not on how hard we work.  Yes, how you do your job is important too, but first you must deliver results.  Don't act as if obstacles were unexpected - there will always be obstacles.  Budgets get cut, competitors surprise you, the economy tanks - that does not take away the need to achieve the results you agreed to.  I think, she should also say that if you're working too hard, then you're not working right.  You're not thinking of alternate solutions to the brute force of longer hours.  In my younger years, I did the overtime method.  Later, I learned that if I have to work so hard that overtime is the norm, then that is the time to slow down and think of another way to get the work done.

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